


Perfectly Flawed

by DeanBean



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-27
Updated: 2012-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-04 09:43:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanBean/pseuds/DeanBean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a nervous swallow, you shake the thought away. Gamzee needs you right now. You shove your metal feet into a pair of old boots, grab the sturdiest board you have and trudge out of your room. The apartment is dark and quiet except for the sound of your dads snores echoing from his room. You stop for a moment in the kitchen to scribble him a note about where you’re going, just in case. </p>
<p>And then you’re out the door, shivering at the touch of the cool night air. For a second, leaving in the middle of the night like this seems completely insane. Something you’d never do in a million and a half years. But you’d do it for Gamzee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfectly Flawed

_You're perfectly flawed  
You're perfectly incomplete  
Like cracks in the glass  
And faded photographs_

_You're perfectly flawed  
You're perfectly incomplete  
Let them condemn  
Imperfections will keep you unique_

_\--Perfectly Flawed, Otep_

\-----

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering adiosToreador [AT] at 2:15—

CG: TAVROS.  
CG: I KNOW ITS FUCKING TWO IN THE MORNING AND YOU’RE PROBABLY OFF IN SOME FAIRY KIND OF DREAMLAND OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER  
CG: BUT YOUR BOYFRIEND IS IN TROUBLE  
CG: I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FUCKING SHOOSH PAP HIM FOR ALMOST TWO BULGEFUCKING HOURS NOW BUT HE WON’T GET OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE GODDAMN STREET  
CG: I THINK ITS TIME YOU WRIGGLED THE FUCK OUT OF BED SO YOU CAN HELP HIM BEFORE SOME DOUCHEBAG WITH A BIG TRUCK DECIDES NOT TO STOP AND LET ME TALK THEM INTO GOING AROUND ANOTHER WAY  
CG: I AM TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM JUST GIVING UP AND LETTING HIM GET RUN OVER.  
CG: GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

Finally, the buzzing of your phone gets incessant enough to make you get out of bed to check to see who’s pestering you. You grunt, lifting yourself up into the rolley chair next to your bed so you don’t have to bother with snapping your mechanical legs into place. 

The clock bouncing around on your computer screensaver says that it’s almost twenty minutes pass two in the morning. This better not be Vriska or you’ll be really, really mad at her. She knew you never went along on her adventures unless she made you. Especially on a school night. 

It takes a while to scoot across your room to the socket where your phone is charging, but you’re used to the exertion and taking up more time to do simple things that should only take a second. You press the correct buttons to turn the screen of your phone on and go to pesterchum.

Oh… Oh no. Your fingers fly across the small keypad. 

AT: i'LL BE THERE, aS SOON AS I CAN,

\--adiosToreador [AT] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG] at 2:22—

You spring into action, pushing away from your desk to fly back to your bed where your metal legs are sitting. You pull them over, snapping them on as quickly as possible. The creak when you stand and you’d meant to ask your dad if he could take you to get them checked sometime soon. But you ignore the screeching metal as you dash around your room, throwing on a random shirt and shoving some shorts on. You’re shoving your arms through your favorite brown jacket when it hits you that you’ll have to skateboard the entire way to the trailer park Gamzee and Karkat lived in. 

With a nervous swallow, you shake the thought away. Gamzee needs you right now. You shove your metal feet into a pair of old boots, grab the sturdiest board you have and trudge out of your room. The apartment is dark and quiet except for the sound of your dads snores echoing from his room. You stop for a moment in the kitchen to scribble him a note about where you’re going, just in case. 

And then you’re out the door, shivering at the touch of the cool night air. For a second, leaving in the middle of the night like this seems completely insane. Something you’d never do in a million and a half years. But you’d do it for Gamzee.

\-----

“You fucking deal with him!” Karkat spits with a snarl fit for a lion. He’s clutching his arm to his chest and there’s a bloody rip in the fabric. 

“D-did, uh… Did he do that?” you ask. 

After a long, heavy look at you he makes a ‘tch’ noise and forgets to answer your question. You hate it when people do that. “His meds are in the kitchen cabinet and he needs to drink a full glass of water with it or else it fucking dries his brain up or fucking something.” 

Gamzee’s hunched over in the middle of the dimly lit street. One knee is pulled against his body and the other is crossed underneath him. His head is thrown back and he’s staring blankly at the smog filled sky. You swallow, taking three large, deep breaths before timidly stepping forward. Damn it, you wish your legs didn’t squeak so loud at a time like this. 

“Gamzee, you need to get out of the road, okay?” You kneel down and place a shivering hand on the side of his neck, underneath his jaw line. His pulse is racing and his skin is clammy and cold. “It would be, uh, really nice if you could do that f-for me.”

“Do ya ever just feel like you _fucking hate everything?_ ” he growls, a cackling laugh ripping from his throat. You want to pull away. He’s scary. You’re really scared right now and you’re shaking but he needs you. You’re the only one that can help. “I hear people like to look at the sky for solace but all I see is _motherfucking filth because of this fucked up race we belong in_ and it makes me motherfucking mad.” 

“Are you trying to find solace?” you ask, your voice wavering. You hate when it does that but you can’t really help it. 

“I don’t motherfucking know what I’m trying to find.” He grabs your arm around the wrist and shoves your hand away, his nails raking against your skin nut not hard enough to break it. “ _What’s the motherfucking point anyway?_ ” 

“Gamzee… Please look at me.” He doesn’t look at you. He’s staring at the ground now, his dark violet eyes swirling in the dim light from the streetlamp overhead. You put your hand on his cheek this time and he doesn’t push you away. He doesn’t react. He just sits there and stares at the road next to his feet. “I hate it when you don’t take your medicine.” 

“I don’t need that _motherfucking bullshit_ ,” he growls, his lips hardly moving. 

“You’re scaring me right now, Gamzee,” you admit, your heart panging. Tears spring up in your eyes and you try to blink them away but they won’t go. Your throat clogs up with the stupid dry lump and you try to swallow and it doesn’t go down and that just makes you even more frustrated. “You hurt Karkat really bad.” 

He doesn’t respond except for his hand clenching into a fist. 

“H-he wanted to help you and you… you hurt him.” A hot tear burns down your cheek and you hate it. You hate that your voice is trembling and you wish you could just be brave and strong and steady just _one time_. You brush your thumb over the spot on Gamzee’s cheek where you feel the tears running down your own skin. “I don’t like it when you’re like this.”

“What am I _motherfucking acting like_ , brother? This is my motherfucking _sunshiny personality_ ,” he sneers. You shiver. 

“This isn’t you, Gamzee.” You swallow and clear your throat to try and make it a little more louder. But you only succeed in making it crack. “This isn’t the Gamzee that I… Uh, that I fell in love with.”

He laughs again, throwing his head back. You let your hand fall back to your side and you bite your lip until he’s finished with his sinister laughing. “You must have a more fucked up brain than I do _if you’re all up and motherfucking in love_ with someone like me.” 

“You’re probably right.” You nod, slight anger flooding through your blood. You know he doesn’t mean it but it still hurts for someone to even suggest that you don’t fully love Gamzee. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. He protects you when you don’t want to speak and he’s always there for you when you do actually want to form some words. “But I love you.” 

He scoffs and you rush forward before you can help yourself, clasping him on either side of his long throat and making him face you. His eyes are wild and his hair is fly-away. There’s a snarl on his lips and he’s giving off a sort of animalistic growl. “ _Get the fuck off me_ ,” he hisses. 

“N-no.” You shake your head, gripping his tighter in the process. “No. Y-you’re going to listen to me. P-Please.” 

“Look, I don’t want to all up and _motherfucking hurt you_.” He grabs your wrists but you only hold onto him tighter. 

“I want you to… to take your medicine,” you command. “We’re going to get up, and go inside. And then you’re going to take your pill and… and go to sleep. G-got it?” He starts laughing at you. And you start crying even harder now. “Gamzee, please.” 

“Aww, now don’t up _and motherfuckin’ cry_.” He rolls his wild eyes with a condescending cackle. You shake him and he stops short, staring at you with a wonderment that says ‘did you really just do that’? And you did. You fucking shook him because you’re angry at him for letting himself get like this. It’d been months since his last spell. An entire year maybe. What made him lose control now? You’re mad because you weren’t there to prevent his full mood swing and that he’s treating you like this now. 

Because he’d promised never to hurt you, especially when it came to your feelings. He’d promised that he would never ever make you feel bad about yourself no matter what. He was breaking his promise and the only thing keeping you from scurrying away is the knowledge that this isn’t really him “Will you get out of the road, uh, please?” you ask. But it’s more of a command. He looks at you for a long second before pushing against your restraining hands with inhuman strength and crushing his mouth to yours. 

You yelp, but its muffled against his lips as they move in an unfamiliar, erratic way. You’re used to the slow, gentle little kisses he gives you that slowly and steadily progress into whatever you need them to. He takes patient breaks and lets you push him away when you’re uncomfortable with something. 

But this kiss was different and you didn’t like it. 

His hands clawed at the long portion of your hair, tugging you down way too hard as he forces your mouth open so he can lash his tongue against yours. His teeth nip a little too hard and you taste someone’s blood. You squeeze your eyes shut and start hoping, hoping _really hard_ that he’ll come to his senses soon. Because this is scaring you and he’d promised never to do that, either. 

After what seems like an agonizing eternity of letting him kiss you like this, he pulls himself backwards with a strangled groan. Strands of saliva are stuck between his lips and yours before they dissolve when his frame shakes with a sob. 

“Tavros, I’m all up and fuckin’ sorry,” he whispers, leaning his head against your chest now. “So sorry.” 

“It’s alright, Gamzee.” You envelope him in your arms and start stroking his hair. It’s tangled up and dirty and you can’t get your fingers through it. He laces his long arms around your middle and lets his own tears flow, wetting the front of your shirt. If you think you hate it when you cry, you hate it even more when Gamzee lets go like this. He sobs like he’s in physical pain and you can’t help but filch every time one cry gets particularly loud. All you can do now is shoosh at him like Karkat taught you. 

Before you’d met Gamzee, it’d been Karkat’s job to calm his cousin down. You’d watched him do it a couple times before and he seemed to handle it better than you. But for the last few attacks, Gamzee had pushed Karkat away. He wouldn’t calm down… Not until you got there. Sometimes you think that Karkat gets a little jealous… But sometimes you think that he’s glad to pass his burden of a schizophrenic cousin on to someone else… and then you feel really bad for thinking that because Karkat loves his cousin probably more than he loves himself. 

From what you knew, Gamzee had moved in with Karkat and his adopted family when a car crash killed his parents. Just like the car crash that had killed your mother and mutilated your legs. Karkat’s mom was his Aunt and she was the only one he had left. You liked her a lot. She handled everyone’s unique personality in unique ways and she made you smile a lot. She said that Gamzee never had any attacks until a month or two after the wreck.

You wait for his breathing to slow and for the weeping to quiet before speaking again. “We… We need to go inside,” you remind him. The two of you are still in the middle of the street and your legs are starting to ache and quiver from being bent this way for so long. He nods, rubbing his face into your shirt one last time before letting go and standing up. 

You scramble to stand too, draping his arm over your shoulder. When he stands at his full height, he’s two feet taller than you could ever hope to be. Usually, he’s slouched over so the height difference isn’t so alarming. You aren’t much support to him as you nudge him forward, steering the both of you in the direction of his house. 

It’s silent as you lope forward, pushing the rickety screen door open. The kitchen is on the left side. Meds in the drawer farthest to the right. You go through the routine of grabbing one of his half empty Faygo bottles from the fridge and emptying it to fill it back up with tap water. He sits at the dining room table, with his face buried in his hands as you rummage through his multiple pill bottles to find the right one. You decide to grab a sleeping aid for him too, because you know his mind is completely wired. 

You sit next to him and slide the bottle and pills across the table, nudging at his arm. “Just, uh… Just like candy.” You give him a small smile when he looks up. He lets out an exhale that sounds like a watered down moan before popping the medication in his mouth and downing the entire bottle of water. 

“That wasn’t _my elixir_.” He mumbles, smacking his lips together in disgust. 

“You… You have to drink water with your medicine, G-Gamzee.” You push the hair back from his face and lean forward to place a kiss in the center of his forehead. “You can have Faygo in the… in the morning.”

He snarls, but it’s not sincere. His eyes aren’t behind the fury his mouth is showing. “What if I motherfuckin’ _want it now?_ ” he challenges. 

You stroke his face, tracing his eyes and his nose and his lips and shoosh until his snarl fades away into a neutral expression. “G-go to, uh… Go to your room and change into your pajamas. I’ll… I’ll bring you a Faygo.” You catch his eyes. They aren’t swirling around anymore. Just glassed over with physical exhaustion and mental hyperdrive. “Alright?” 

He nods, pushing his chair back with a scrape before loping down the hall and into his bedroom. 

Karkat’s door opens and he pokes his head out to look at you. 

“Is he okay?” he asks. 

You shrug. 

“Well that’s fucking better than a no, I guess.” He looks down the hall at Gamzee’s door and then disappears back inside his room. 

A sigh erupts from your chest and you count to three before getting up to follow Gamzee into his room, leaving the Faygo in the fridge. There were mountains of it in his room anyway. The door is open and you step inside to find him sprawled out on his unmade bed with an arm thrown over his eyes. It’s dark, but the black lights lining the tops of his walls are shining, making the posters on his walls come to life with color. 

“I thought I, uh, told you to change,” you say, rubbing the back of your neck. When he doesn’t make a move you figure the sleeping pill is already working so you kneel down to unlace his tennis shoes. His feet are hanging off the edge of the bed like they always do so it’s easy to slide each shoe off. 

“Come motherfuckin’ here, Tavros.” He sits up, bending over to tug at your shirt until you move next to him, lying with your face next to his chest. A long arm drapes over your shoulders and he curls into a ball, cradling you protectively. Your shoes and jacket are still in place and you can never sleep with your legs on… but you’ll just have to try because his grip is tightening and his breaths are evening out. “Never leave me,” he murmurs. 

“I… I won’t.” You wrap a fist into the material of his shirt and ignore your discomfort so you could fall asleep next to him. 

\------

It seems like only a few seconds have passed when loud, obnoxious and fairly annoying rap is jerking you awake. You open your eyes to find that light is starting to pour through the cracks in the purple painted cardboard Gamzee has taped over his windows. He stirs beside you, flipping onto his back and covering his ears with a low groan. “Motherfuckin’ turn it off!” he growls, pointing over to his desk where a little light is flashing on his phone. The rap must be his morning alarm. 

Shit. There’s school today. “But… but don’t we have to go to, uh, school?” you ask, rubbing at your eyes with your fists. Your legs are aching horribly and the metal is clanging together with every move. You sit up and yawn, throwing your arms over your head. 

“No motherfuckin’ way.” He shakes his head, grinding it into his pillow. “I am nowhere near up and in the motherfuckin’ mood.” 

You nod, too sleepy to object. After a mental count to three, you make to get up but he stops you, gripping your jacket in his fist. “I’m just… just going to turn the alarm off,” you say. 

“Don’t leave me,” he says, just like he had before you’d fallen asleep. 

“I’ll be right back.” You pap his cheek. “I’m not even… even leaving the room.” 

After a contemplative moment, he lets go of you and you rise, crossing the room as fast as possible to turn off the song that was blasting from his cracking phone speakers. There are a few lines of capslocked gray text displayed on the screen as well and you decide to read it. 

\--carcinoGeneticist [ CG ] began pestering terminallyCapricious [ TC ] at 7:39—

CG: I’LL GET YOUR SCHOOL SHIT OR WHATEVER TODAY WHILE YOU’RE LAZING ABOUT AT THE HOUSE JUST MESSING EVERYTHING THE FUCK UP.  
CG: DON’T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR GODDAMN PILLS TODAY, OKAY? AND YOU OWE ME A WHOLE FUCKING SHIT TON OF I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK OF TO MAKE UP FOR MY ARM.  
CG: DAD SAID HE’D CALL LATER TO CHECK ON YOU OR SOEMTHING.  
CG: TELL TAVROS THANKS FOR ME TOO, I GUESS. THE FUCKER HELPS OUT A LOT.  
CG: BUT DON’T TELL HIM I FUCKING SAID THAT.

\--carcinoGeneticist [ CG ] ceased pestering terminallyCapricious [ TC ] at 7:41—

You smile at the screen for a second before turning it off and tossing it back into the clutter that is Gamzee’s desk. When you turn back around, he’s buried himself underneath his deep purple blanket and nothing but the top of his wild mane is visible. You give a tired sigh before unzipping your jacket taking it off, draping it over his desk chair. You sit back down on the edge of the bed and take off your legs, propping them against the mattress before wriggling underneath the covers, curling against the heat of his narrow back. You feel bare skin as you loop an arm around his torso. He must’ve undressed while you’d been going through his phone. A sign that things were getting back to normal because he could never sleep with his clothes on. You smile, placing a lingering kiss between his jutting shoulder blades before shutting your eyes against the dim light of his room. 

\-----

Long fingers are running gently over the shaved side of your head the next time you feel yourself rousing from sleep. You’re laying on your back now and a gruff voice is humming softly. Your favorite gruff voice.

“Good morning, Tav.” He’s the one to press a kiss to your forehead this time before you even get to open your eyes. His other hand is loosely laced through the fingers of the hand that’s laying on your chest.

You smile. “Good morning.” He’s back to normal. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore because clingy, soft, gentle Gamzee is back and he’s holding your hand and everything is alright. You knew it would be all along, you realize… but you were so frightened. You decide to tell him so. “You, uh. You really scared me last night,” you say. 

“Aww, baby I’m all kinds of sorry about all that motherfuckin’ noise.” He coos, his voice barely over a whisper. “You know I don’t mean it.” 

“I-I know.” You nod. “but if you made me a, uh, promise right now I think… I think I would feel better.” You open your eyes to see his purple orbs. The purple orbs that aren’t glassy or angry. Just content and tired and a little red around the edges. He traces the pads of his fingers under your eyes and gives you a lazy smile. 

“What’s that?” he asks. 

“Take your, uh, medicine when you’re supposed to?” you voice the command as a question because you can’t really boss him around when he’s normal like this. 

“I motherfuckin’ promise.” He purrs, leaning forward to press his soft lips against yours. This is the kind of kiss you enjoy. The kind you crave. He hums, prodding your lips open to deepen the kiss that somehow remains soft and sweet. When he pulls back, you’re breathless. “I motherfuckin’ love you so much.” He nuzzles your cheek like a puppy. 

“I, uh, I love you too, Gamzee.” You say. And everything in you knows that it’s really, really true. And then you’re kissing again. You keep it soft and sweet for a few moments before lifting your head, stroking the outline of his top lip with the very tip of your tongue. This draws a moan from him and he eagerly opens up, letting you explore the inside of his mouth, even though you know every inch. You push forward and then pull back, trapping his bottom lip between your teeth and sucking gently. He lets out a breathy laugh moving away so that his lip is stretched a bit before snapping back with a pop when you let it go. 

“Mmm,” he hums again, moving so that he’s straddling your waist with his hands pinned on either side of your head. You lace your fingers together behind his neck and he bends down again, showering your face with feather light kisses. You giggle, blood rushing to your face when the kisses trail down to your neck. He starts using his tongue, lapping at the taught, flushed skin and sucking at it lightly. “What a motherfuckin’ tasty way to start out the day.” he mumbles. 

“Miraculous, if you, uh, ask me.” You snicker. He laughs, working his kisses lower and lower. 

Your hands find the skin of his lean stomach and you press your palms flat against him, feeling as the muscles move. You smirk, massaging his sides as he starts his humming again, licking at your skin happily. 

Your own stomach is turning back flips at the feelings his lips are causing. You’ll never really understand why anyone would want to ever… do this… with you. You were so shy and awkward and come on, you didn’t have any legs. But Gamzee didn’t seem to care. He knew just what to do to reduce you to nothing but jelly and you loved him for that. Because you’d never thought you’d ever be in a relationship with anyone. And here you were in the perfect one, even if there were a few kinks in the fabric. 

After a long, hot moment of kissing the base of your throat, he leans up, looking you dead in the eye. Your hands slide up his back, latching onto his extended shoulder blades. “You sure?” he asks. Just like he always does. And you smile because you knew he was going to ask. 

And you know your answer is going to be “Y-yes.” 

He grins, “Alright.” He says, diving back down to capture your lips in a desperate kiss. This time, you’re the one that moans, your voice lost in his lungs as you drink each other in. He leans heavily on one of his arms and uses the other to snake his hand underneath your wrinkled shirt, lifting upwards. You move your hands down as far as you can reach but all you can manage is to sneak the tips of your fingers into the waistband of his boxers. He shivers, gingerly biting your lip this time before swiping the roof of your mouth with his tongue. Wow… Wow that was really hot. 

His big hands explore the skin underneath your shirt, massaging and pausing in all the right ways. A thumb brushes against your right nipple and you arch your back, gasping. He pulls away from you with a smirk and lets you catch your breath for a second before diving down to lap at your chest this time. His tongue runs over goosepimpled skin and he stops to pay special attention to a nipple until you’re a panting mess 

“G-gamzee!” you clench your hands behind his back. He stops and looks up at you, eyes darkened with desire this time instead of insanity. You bring a hand up to cradle his cheek, smiling and fighting a laugh. God you loved it when he made you feel like this. He gives you a clownish grin before gripping your shirt again, sliding it up and over your head. He throws it over the edge of the bed to pool with the other debris and bends over to kiss you again. You bury your fingers into unruly hair, furrowing your brow in concentration as his hands move further south. Fingers play with the button on your shorts until it pops open and then the zipper is lowered. You shudder and he wraps a hand around you over the fabric of your tented boxer shorts. 

Your legs spread out and you push against him, thrusting against the dry, tentative movement of his skillful hand. You start to sputter and groan and you press a hand over your mouth, your cheeks burning with embarrassment and passion. He hadn’t even touched your _skin_ yet. God you loved him so much. 

“D’sat feel good, Tav-baby?” he murmurs, trailing his lips over your cheek and down your bare neck. You bite your lip and nod your head, bumping it against the mattress. “Want it to feel even motherfuckin’ better?” 

“Oh, g-god, Gamzee,” you moan. 

He snickers. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Then he slithers down your body until he’s laying between your open thighs, pushing them even further apart. You feel the warmth of his breath wash over you and he wraps his long fingers around the waistband of your shorts, tugging them down and pushing your stubby legs together for a split second to leave you completely naked and writhing underneath him. A hand circles the base of your member and he pumps slowly, skin sliding on flushed red skin. “Want me to all up and count down?” he asks. 

You bite your knuckle and nod, grabbing at his hair with your free hand. 

“Alright then. One…” he inches a little closer, running his long tongue over the very tip of your pulsing dick. “Two…” he presses his hands into your hip bones, pinning you down on the mattress. “Three…” 

Your breath catches and he slides nearly half of you into his mouth. You’re enveloped in heat and basking in the wetness of his expert tongue. After he decided you were fully bathed, he backed away, turning his head sideways to lap at the flesh that way. He closes his mouth around a section of skin and sucks, opening and closing his mouth to bring in more of the flesh. You cry out, forgetting to cover your mouth as he makes out with your pulsing length, lapping and nipping and kissing at it like a sweet piece of candy. 

He moves again, taking all of you into his mouth and pushing his head down until you hit the velvet of the back of his throat. “Oh… Oh fuck.” You gasp, tearing at his hair as he hollows his cheeks and sucks at you like a vacuum as he pulls away and repeats the gesture all over again. You think he likes it when you talk dirty. 

His head bobs up and down and your entire lower half is awash with the pleasure of his lips and teeth and tongue and you know you won’t be able to hang on for very much longer. Words are flying from your mouth that you’d never let anyone else hear before. Your mostly unused voice cracks with exertion and you fight against his restraining hands to buck up into the heat. God damn it you wish you had feet to use for leverage. 

That’s it. You’re going to lose it. Pressure is building at the base of your spine and you’re so close. He senses this and pulls away, pumping you quickly with a gently squeezing hand. His lips ghost further down as a new, frictional pressure starts to build up. He sucks at your pulsing balls quickly before pushing your legs up to expose your puckered opening. 

And then there’s a new wet slide and you really do lose it, spilling across your stomach and dirtying Gamzee’s hand. He continues lapping at your ringed muscle and pumping you until there’s nothing left. You’re panting and gasping and moaning and he lets go of you, using both hands to spread you open, pressing his tongue even deeper inside you. 

_Holy fuck_. You grip the bed sheets for a moment, tensing your muscles against the odd invasion before you realize that you’re supposed to be doing the complete opposite. He’s trying to relax you. To ready you and you’re fighting it. 

You take a deep breath and hold it for three seconds before letting it out again, melting into the softness of his plush mattress. His mouth continues to work and you feel yourself getting hard again. 

“G-gamzee. Uhhh.” You shut your eyes tight after a particularly long and hard swipe of his wet muscle. “Oh god, Gamzee. Just… Just fuck me. M-make love to me. Shhh-show me that I’m yours.” You start begging. He pulls away from you, leaving you cold and exposed and completely comfortable. 

“You motherfuckin’ sure?” he asks, moving to kneel on the bed and rummage in his bedside drawer. He digs around for a desperately long moment before finding what he’s looking for and straightening up again. The tiny silver package shined in the dim light of his room and you raised your open palm. 

“G-give it to me.” You say. He raises and eyebrow but you just shake your head. You want to do it this way this time. He hands over the small package. “Uh, lay back,” you say. He complies, stretching out on his bed. His feet hang over the edge of the bed. You crawl over, holding the package in your teeth so you can use both hands to get rid of his tented, polka-dotted boxers. 

He stands at full attention and you toss the offending underwear somewhere before straddling his lap. You rip the package open and tilt the contents of it into your hand before flicking he wrapper away. With quick skill, you cover his twitching member and gaze a moment at your work. You think that’s the first time you’ve ever done it right. 

Okay, now that that’s done, you’re heart is beating against your chest like a cage fighter. You swallow, crawling over him and positioning yourself over his standing length. You body was used to the length and thickness by now. It had to be. But you still got nervous just before this part. You hold your breath, reaching underneath you to guide him… 

And then the both of you shudder with your new connection. 

“Oh hell motherfuckin’ yes.” He growls, gripping your hips with a lopsided grin. His pale skin is flushed and yours is probably even redder, but you don’t care because he’s rubbing right against that special button deep inside you and you’re already in heaven. You rise up, pushing against the mattress with your thighs and fall back down again. You press your hands into his chest, pinning him down as you milk him with your body. Beads of sweat erupt between you from the exertion. He rakes his nails down your chest and stomach, and he massages your sides as he groans. “That’s my baby. Just let go. Motherfucking right there. Just like that, _harder_.”

You comply, letting your head fall back as you bounce up and down. This felt good. This felt so incredibly good that it was unreal. This had to be a dream. Some sort of sick mind scam that your self esteem had planned on its own to make you feel better about yourself. You cry out anyway, Gamzee’s hands gripping you. That’s the only thing that holds you to reality. His hands and his words and growls and groans. He makes you feel so good. 

Fingers find their way back to your length and start pumping and you lose it again, falling against Gamzee and biting your lip to keep from screaming and you spill over again. He lifts your hips himself this time, gripping them so hard that there will probably have bruises. And then you feel him stiffen even more inside of you before he spills over. You lay together like that for a long time, in a heap of spent and twitching muscle. 

“Wow, uh, that was amazing.” You laugh. Gamzee’s chest vibrates with laughter too and his fingers find their way into your hair. You never want to move again. This is where you belong. With Gamzee. You exist to help him and he exists to help you and for once you feel like everything is so perfect. Like one of your dreams. 

“I love you, Tav-baby,” he murmurs. “My personal motherfuckin’ miracle.” 

“Love you back.” You smile. 

This boy scared you. He frightened you; sometimes he was a little too clingy. You don’t like it when he doesn’t take his medicine and you don’t like the music he listens to. But you can deal with that because he can deal with your crippling shyness and your faltering speech. He loves you even though you don’t have complete legs and you believe in magic. 

And this was completely magical. You believe that both of you know that.

**Author's Note:**

> lololol fanfiction will be the end of my writing career. I'm supposed to be doing my own work not writing about my OTP *slaps hand in chastisement*


End file.
